the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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