we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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