I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
honey bunches of taint.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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