what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
