Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
