Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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