When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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