dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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