I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
