He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
