Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
