I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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