I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
