so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
