It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
