She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
