I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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