Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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