You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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