some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
