I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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