I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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