I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
