Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
