WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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