I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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