I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
