you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
