I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
