She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is my gift to your gina
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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