i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
