My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
