matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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