how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
