very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize