he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
