Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
