I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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