For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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