just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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