I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
