I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
