Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
