cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
