I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
