So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
