Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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