so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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