dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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