Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think i got beer on your cat.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
