I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
