If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
