yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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