weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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