Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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