How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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