my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
