You work out of a Hotel?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
