You made me cry and you don't even care
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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