I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
