i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
