my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its not stalking. its research.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
