It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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