Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
