Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
