if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
