So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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