i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
