the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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