last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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