if only i could text you this smell
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
