His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
