so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
