Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
