If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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